What up squadfam
04/04/2023
I have been aware of and visited Club Rivers numerous times when I was in the area. Back when Helen's was still around, we were loved the calendar vouchers they had for members and the fashionable yet casual vibe of the club. To this day, Club Rivers maintains its excellent hospitality and atmosphere credentials with well-maintained facilities, event hostings and friendly staff always at hand. They boast a comfy lounge in front of the big screen with plenty of chairs and tables that immediately get filled up whenever there's a raffle. This was our aircon sanctuary during the summer heatwaves. Certified by the locals and myself, Club Rivers is one of the best places to be in Riverwood.
One of the reasons we frequented Club Rivers was the bistro which was formerly known as Helen's. But when the restaurant suddenly closed down, we were left to consider its replacement, Malt Barrel. The food was promising until COVID hit, resulting in less menu options and rising prices, precipitating a tragic fall from grace for Club River's dining. Then Mike's Grill arrived to save the day.
Initially, I renewed my hopes for Club Rivers' pub food upon hearing another new restaurant alongside its renovations. Enthusiasm was alight in seeking a good reason to more regularly return to Club Rivers. What could Mike possibly do that could harbour the same fate of his predecessors? Apparently, yes... he could do that.
The food can be easily summarised as a huge letdown. I had no grievances whatsoever looking at the large chicken schnitzel coated in crunchy panko crumbs on my plate. However, I could not foresee the harsh truth underneath the flaky exterior and its terrific texture. The chicken itself was drier than the Atacama and completely bland. Even the gravy wasn't enough to quench the arid meat as I was forced to relinquish finishing the dish. For my first meal back at Club Rivers, I left shellshocked.
Another opportunity to try Mike's again, this time their cheeseburger. The burger eerily resembles McDonald's from the appearance down to the ketchup and mustard they use, but in this case, Ronald does it far much better. While the size seems massive with its wide burger buns, the beef patty is quite thin and small in comparison, obscured by the forest of lettuce. Thus, the composition of the burger was unbalanced with parts simply being mouthfuls of insipid lettuce and bread. Despite being depressingly limp, the buns were buttered and grilled on both sides, giving a rich fragrant mouthfeel. That may be the only leverage Mike has over Ronald McDonald. The exterior of the patty was burnt and hard to chew with the unsavoury taste of ash lingering afterwards. Fortunately, the beef was still palatable though a tad bit grainy and dry. All the flavours were solely derived from the artificial McDonald's cheese and the sugary sauces, nothing more nothing less to an already abysmal meal.
If you couldn't stomach the unappetising main dishes, you can thank the giant pile of lightly salted, fluorescent yellow chips to satiate your hunger. The alternative to the carbs is the colourful salad liberally dressed in mayo but I doubt any of the sides could compensate for the inadequate flavours. More jarring were the (member) prices, $17 for a below fast food quality burger and $22 for a dry schnitzel is unbelievable.
I really wanted to reacquaint with Club Rivers through the love language of food but, alas, it just wasn't there. My apologies to Club Rivers and my critiques for Mike to get a handle on the grill in the future.
UPDATE: I tried out their roasted sweet potato salad. Visually, it was spectacular. Little did I know, their generous drizzle of balsamic vinegar was concealing the fact that they used old, blackened spinach leaves. Big red flag but at least the other components were tasty together.